By Heather Deogracia

“I entertain the idea that I am internally not right in the head.  Externally, I attract curious people who want to know what in the hell am I talking about.”

-Heather Deogracia

What comes first in the question “Are you crazy versus Bipolar?”.  This is the huge crossroad for me to admit since I am the one to entertain in both directions at the same exact time.  According to Webster’s definition for crazy, it is 1. mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way and then 2. extremely enthusiastic.  Wow!  I am right on target for both and put my chest out.

Mania is topped full of advantages and the symptoms can be heavenly and exciting at times.  The checkmark on the list of mania signatures according to the American Psychiatric Association website is listed here.

Common signs of a manic state:

• Feeling extremely happy.
• Talking faster than is normal.
• Feeling agitated.
• Decreased sleep.
• Racing thoughts.
• Behaving impulsively.
• Engaging in high-risk behaviors, such as reckless driving, gambling or excessive spending.

“Bubble a Freako”  Pen & Ink  8.5 x 11  $75 a print

For three reasons, I have this celebration in my head that shares the “deranged” and “enthusiastic” factors that have shaped me into a fine specimen for the duality of behavior selections.  For starters, manic behavior symptoms is a trait that has always been a part of my personality or reputation to everyone I meet.  Love me or hate me on first impressions.  Two, I had a harsh education in college and in my career fields because I could create and finish wild amazing accomplishments and question as to how I did it.  The third and last reason for my “aggressive” side,  is that I have a genetic identity coding from my mother and father.  I do not fault or claim to shame.  Being wild is ingrained in my blood!

“Mania goes way back at the age of 3.  “My name is Heather. What’s yours?” Yeah my mom hated it.”

-Heather Deogracia

Voted “Most Outgoing” in high school and having a high paying career for 20 years has taught me that mania has big benefits. Mania is characteristics that have yanked me into a world of a strong perky personality, intelligence in many subjects and a mind to share my expressive ideas in the fine studio artwork I do with my blind contour drawings.

My mental disease is a strong Bipolar I diagnosis that has me coping from mania and depression at the same time as well.  Since the memory at three years old, I have been a very talkative communicator and a “crybaby”.  The flux of back and forth had me thinking that I was suffering in a life vs. death continuum.  This back and forth action makes me on a ship at sea floating with no sense of rescue from any form of support.  Thank God that I had fate step in and found unconditional love with Matthew.  He calls me his “super star” and that is the confidence builder I need sometimes.

Being genetically engineered, I do not feel fault or shame for a broken brain filled with nervous breakdowns, talking to a “female” God or even hypersexual behavior that is embarrassing to admit.  I did them in the past and that is all my therapist and I agree on.  We discuss about how I feel right now and advice on how to not repeat those mistakes ever again.  Mistakes for me were huge and that is why I consider my risky behavior the reason I can admit there are downfalls to mania.  I was not thinking correctly and weighing consequences like a rationally smart woman.

My long-term goals as an advocate for Bipolar is portray a positive reputation for both recovery avenues by a definition that is rude and unnecessary.  Using the term “crazy” really makes some individuals with Bipolar mad and angry.  Yet after this blog, I do know that everyone has their own directions of life and does not have to “decide” on crossroads.  Accept everyone is crazy and then you can hug yourself more at the end of the day.  Feels nice doesn’t it.